Getting the point
25.10.07
You know I’ve never been a
fan of injections or anything really that involved
sticking sharp objects into me, so it was hardly any
surprise that I wasn’t exactly looking forward to
heading off to a hospital in Dublin last week for
injections in my sore shoulder.
I’ve also discovered over the years that doctors will
often tell you a lie when it comes to dishing out an
injection - usually along the lines of the fact that
“this won’t hurt a bit.”
It kinda reminded me of an old line they often used in
comic books the Beano and the Dandy when somebody was
getting a whallop and the person dishing it out used to
say “this hurts me more than it will hurt you.”
What a load of rubbish that was and of course it was a
complete and utter lie. In fact it was such a lie that I
don’t think anybody will ever have heard it in real
life.
Indeed it was usually the case that somebody dishing out
a whallop lost the ability to string |
 |
a sentence together and
could only get a word or two out at a time.
So instead of the old “this hurts me more than it hurts
you,” it was more like “this”…whallop… “will” …whallop…
“teach”… whallop…. “you” … whallop… “to”… whallop “do”….
whallop… “your”… whallop… “homework.”
Anyway that’s getting away from the point a wee bit and
that’s the thing about injections, well needles, you
can’t get away from the point.
I’m not even just talking about injections either
because as a person who has had more than his fair share
of stitches over the years, I’ve developed a real
aversion to sewing.
Seriously though, when you consider all the wonderful
advances we’ve made over the years, how come sewing is
such an absolute nightmare.
I’m not talking about machine sewing I’m sure that has
seen some wonderful advances, I’m talking about the
ordinary – I’ve got a hole in the knee of my trousers –
kinda sewing. Needle and thread stuff.
I mean okay, we might have better thread and lovely
shiny needles, but we’re doing basically the same thing
our ancestors did when they were sewing with wee bits of
sharp bones and sinew.
Well actually, I tell a lie, for any of those dark
distant ancestors would be able to sew a hole up more
neatly with a bone and piece of sinew that I would with
a needle and thread. I’m absolutely useless.
I’m consoled by the fact that I’m not alone in this – I
mean if I was would that wundaweb stuff ever have been
invented? – but I’m still perplexed as to why somebody
has never come up with an idea to do away with this
sewing lark altogether.
I know I’ve certainly tried, but most of my inventions
centred around the use of sellotape or a stapler and
somehow I wasn’t sure if they’d catch on with the public
in general.
But it would seem that they are…or else there are more
people out there like me than I realise.
I mean at one time if you went to a doctor with a cut in
your head you might come away with stitches, but these |
days it could just as
easily be a couple of staples.
The first time I discovered that the doctor was going to
use staples, the whole visit took on a new meaning for
me and I spent the rest of the time trying to spot the
staff who’d stapled up the hems in their coats!
However even after last week’s injection my shoulder was
still sore so I decided I’d ring up the doctor and ask
him why this might be.
He replied that he had injected me with drugs which
probably hadn’t kicked in yet.
“They’re time release drugs…they start working when your
cheque clears!” |
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A DROP OF
PORTER is
the weekly
column of
Inishowen
Independent
editor,
Liam Porter. |
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