Who wants to be a millionaire?
11.10.07
There was almost no column
this week folks – and not because I had nothing to write
about either, it was just, well I couldn’t be bothered.
After all why would I spend my time writing a silly
column when I could be out there spending all my money?
And I was going to have loads to spend.
Not only had I won a lottery in Spain and in the
Netherlands that I had never even entered, I had also
been pre-approved for a loan of $250,000 by some guy
called Chuck who it would seem, works for a bank in the
United States.
And hey that’s not even to mention the money I was going
to get from prince Itryto Fuyou who promised me $2
million if I could just send him on my bank account
details so he could unlock millions his father had
hidden away from the cruel government who had taken over
his country.
All of these wonderful offers came to me by email, but
they are what has become known in computer terminology
as spam, the computer equivalent of junk mail. |
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I’ve always hated spam.
When I was growing up it meant something completely
different of course, it was that stuff you’d get in a
kinda rectangular tin which was rumoured to be a meat of
some kind.
The tin was pretty cool. I mean firstly it wasn’t round
like all the rest and secondly it opened with a key.
Okay so maybe not exactly James Bond, but as gadgets
went back then, that was about as good as it got.
And, of course, it saved you having to a use a tin
opener which always seemed to want to do laps of honour
around the top of a tin rather that actually open one.
I’m not even sure if you can still get that kind of
spam, but I remember it coming out of the tin shining
around the sides like some big reject rubber ball.
We had a dog and he wouldn’t even eat the stuff that I’m
convinced was developed by NASA during the sixties space
races as some kinda rubber bullet type thingy to shoot
at aliens.
Anyway these days spam has taken on a whole new
dimension and most people who have a computer and email
will at one stage or another have received one of these
emails offering to enlarge your bank balance or perhaps
something else entirely.
Now you can filter this stuff out, it’s a bit like
nailing up your letterbox, but eventually the postman
starts to slip the letters under the door and same thing
in the computer as soon as one finds its way in, hey
presto they come in floods.
At first it used to drive me bananas, but now I look
through to see if any deserve my attention.
Like for instance that email from Chuck which had as a
subject “You’re loan approval.”
Not only was I excited about the approval for a loan
that I didn't apply for, but I was glad to know that the
person approving it didn't know the difference between
‘your’ and ‘you're.’
Maybe, I thought to myself, when the time comes, he'll
be equally puzzled by the word “foreclosure.”
My favourite in recent weeks though was an email
offering me anti-spam software. |
I know spammers try to prey
on the stupid people out there, but I mean if this
really worked, wouldn’t these people be putting
themselves out of business?
Meanwhile I’m sad to report than none of the millions I
thought were coming my way have actually materialised so
I’ve come up with a cunning plan to try and raise the
cash through the column instead by having a competition.
All you need to do to win yourself a tin of spam…don’t
forget that’s the really cool tin that has a key to open
it - is name Itryto Fuyou’s father, king of Imadeupaland.
Answers on a €50 note… |
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A DROP OF
PORTER is
the weekly
column of
Inishowen
Independent
editor,
Liam Porter. |
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