It’s not easy… 27.09.07

You know after a recent visit to a family member whose children are still young, I got to thinking about how hectic things can be for parents with young children sometimes. Of course it can be great fun, but it can be hectic and stressful too and as I watched them struggle to cope with different situations that arose over the weekend I got to thinking of some other things, parents have to put up with. I mean it is a hell of a job trying to keep a house spick and span when there are kids around. Well okay folks, it’s not actually, it’s darn impossible. Lets say you have no kids and want to know what I’m talking about, take some jam or peanut butter or anything sticky, and smear it on the sofa and curtains. Hide a fish finger behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds then rub them on the clean walls. Don’t forget to cover the stains with crayons.

How does that look? You see, sometimes I see people on television saying how easy it is to be a parent when I know from first hand experience that it is not. Thankfully my girls are well past the toddler stage now but I still have vivid memories of trying to get them dressed when they were infants. Believe me folks dressing small children is not as easy as it seems. Again for the uninitiated - first buy an octopus and a string bag and then attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that none of the arms hang out. You can take all morning for this; you’ll probably manage it easier than dressing a small child! Car freaks beware too, because children love cars. A typical family car isn’t spotless and shining inside and out. Nope, you have to have one pop stuck to a seat; a packet of crisps mashed on the floor and don’t forget the chocolate spots on the upholstery. Oh dear, I almost forgot. Family cars only have radios because there is usually a coin or other shiny object stuck in the cd player! So forget driving let’s walk. A lot easier than it sounds, let me tell you. For instance going for a walk with a toddler goes something like this. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in. Go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes. Stop to inspect minutely every cigarette end, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Manage that and you are just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
When talking to children always repeat everything you say at least five times. When talking to children always repeat everything you say at least five times When talking to children always repeat everything you say at least five times When talking to children always repeat everything you say at least five times…okay that’s four but you get my point. And of course there is always feeding time, which is not always easy either and I reckon parenting courses should prepare people for stuff like that. You know how they use those dummies at first aid classes, well what if they had something similar at parenting classes? Something like a hollowed out melon suspended from the ceiling with a small hole in it. The aim would be, after setting the melon swaying from side to side, to try and get Weetabix into the swinging melon whilst pretending to be an aeroplane. But sure it’s just best to get on and enjoy it folks because insanity is hereditary… You get it from your children		A DROP OF PORTER is the weekly column of Inishowen Independent editor, Liam Porter.