I’ve seen the future...and it
scares me! 20.08.08
I had a little glimpse of
the future at the weekend and I must admit it was pretty
terrifying.
You see I was shopping with my better half and my two
daughters and I discovered that things are changing and
I’m not really sure if I’m going to like it.
The shopping thing on its own wasn’t that terrifying,
after all I’ve been dragged, I mean I’ve gone shopping
with the three of them before, it was just that well I
never really felt as badly outnumbered as I did before.
You see when the girls were smaller they were content to
wander around a shop, especially a clothes shop for
about as long as I did, which was usually around 30 to
40 seconds tops, and then we’d always find somewhere
else to go to pass the time.
And they were a great excuse. You could just say “The
girls are a wee bit bored, I’m going to take them next
door to the toy shop”...and you’d get away with it. |
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Or if there was no toy shop
a book shop, or a sweet shop, or, well anywhere except
that dang clothes shop. But what happened on Saturday?
It was the girls who wanted to go the clothes shop and
they thought they were the bees knees looking at all
this stuff and their mother was in her element helping
to look at all this stuff and I was looking at the
ceiling and the floor and occasionally at the prices of
all this stuff and was thinking...OH MY GOD.
You see I know there are guys out there who absolutely
detest shopping in any shape or form, there are guys out
there who have never ever worn a stitch across their
back that hasn’t been bought for them by their mother or
wife or some significant other.
I’m not one of them. I like shopping. Kinda.
Occasionally even I like browsing, but that’s very
occasionally. If I’m shopping I buy stuff. I think that
is the general idea behind shopping, but here’s the
thing, I will sometimes pay even a few euro over the
odds for something I know I really need, but never will
buy two or three things I know I don’t need because they
happen to be on sale.
If I know I’m going to buy a pair of jeans I go pick a
pair my size, pay and go. It’s pretty simple. And hey if
I’m browsing and I see a tee-shirt I like, I pick one my
size, take it to the counter, pay and go.
I don’t need to touch every other item in the shop, even
the ones I know I hate, lift them off the rack, size
them up, size them down, and I never, ever have to go
try the stuff on just to see how it looks on me.
But my girls did. They must have eyed everything in the
shop and flicked and looked and looked again and mixed
and matched and then when they had an armful of stuff
they thought they might like, had their mother say...”go
on in and try them on so we can see how they look”
Those are the most dreaded words a man will ever hear
when he is out shopping with his wife. Because he knows
what’s coming next is the longest ten minutes of his
life (feels more like ten hours) as he waits outside a
changing room for them to eventually come out and say
“well, what do you think?”
This is a trick question of course and there is no
correct answer. If you say it’s lovely and they have
already decided it’s not when they spent nine of the ten
minutes looking at the wee mirror in the dressing room,
then you are not even paying attention and just saying
what you think is right to get out. |
On the other hand if you
say it’s not, (and they have decided that it is during
those nine minutes) well you’re just being hurtful and,
well a pig, and you know it’ll mean hours more shopping
for something that you say is nice so you’ll never ever
say that anyway even if you think it is the ugliest
thing ever.
I’ve discovered over the years that it’s best to try to
avoid an answer and reply instead with a question,
something like “Well you are wearing it, what do you
think...”
It’s the classic dodge the question trick, but with now
respite in the toy store on the horizon all of a sudden
I’m thinking I might have to come up with a dodge the
shopping trick instead... |
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A DROP OF
PORTER is
the weekly
column of
Inishowen
Independent
editor,
Liam Porter. |
|
