One of the great mysteries 05.06.08
YOU know when our dryer
packed in last week at first I was pretty fed up
because, well it dries stuff doesn’t it and it’s not
nice putting on wet clothes.
I mean even those Olympic swimmers put on dry clothes
before they jump into the water, but I suppose in their
case it wouldn’t matter.
Anyway our dryer packed in, or at least I couldn’t get
it to work and I was fed up until I realised that by
having a quick look at its insides I might be able to
solve one of the big questions of all times - where do
all the socks go after they are washed?
I was about to embark on this great quest until I saw
the wee sticker saying that you shouldn’t look inside
unless you were a suitable qualified person and that was
that.
The flashback of the old black and white remote
television came back to haunt me and I thought I’d best
leave it alone. |
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Okay, so I couldn’t get the
answer that way, but surely there was an answer out
there somewhere and so I began my hours of painstaking
research in the hope that I might actually stumble upon
the answer.
My first reaction was that, even though I know that this
mystery has existed for ages...there still must be a
logical reason for it and, I have to admit it, I came up
with a conspiracy theory.
Yes folks I decided that the whole missing sock thing
was a huge conspiracy thought up by the big companies
who make washing machines and dryers.
My reasoning was this. It’s not that often that people
will go out and buy a washing machine or a dryer. In
fact once that initial purchase has been made, most
people won’t buy a new one until their machine packs up
for good.
So while it might be expensive enough at the start,
people get lots of years from their machines, which
means the companies don’t have as many sales as they
might hope.
Of course that means they have don’t have to make all
that many machines, so they have to find other stuff to
keep their workers busy.
And that’s where the socks come in. A global trade
secret agreement between the different manufacturers
means all the machines are programmed to suck socks out
into a huge vacuum where they are passed on to the
factory floor and then paired with a matching sock
sucked from somewhere else.
And, since they are clean, they can then be sold. And
the companies who don’t sell many machines will be happy
because people will be buying lots of socks, because
well, there always seems to be ones going missing in the
wash!
I thought I’d cracked it at that until I started
thinking back to pre-washing machine times. I mean look
at all those old western films with Indians in them and
you’ll see they weren’t wearing any socks.
And I reckon it’s probably not because there were no
socks invented – no, more likely they could never find a
pair that matched.
For the cowboys it didn’t matter if they matched or not,
after all who was gonna see ‘em through those big boots?
But that put a big hole in my conspiracy theory and I
had to go back to the drawing board. (Before drawing
boards were invented what did people go back to…mmm)
Anyway, I decided if it wasn’t the machine then it quite
simply had to be the socks themselves and that is when
it hit me. |
Of course it had to be the
socks, I mean all the other bits of clothing are just
that, bits of clothing. But socks are different, I mean
they’ve got soles haven’t they?
And I reckon that it just gets to a stage where they get
fed up with being trampled on all day and decide to make
a break for it to the great big sock heaven that we all
agree must be out there somewhere.
So why, if it is such a great place, doesn’t its mate go
at the same time then, I hear you ask? Quite simple
really…some socks are just odd, aren’t they… |
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A DROP OF
PORTER is
the weekly
column of
Inishowen
Independent
editor,
Liam Porter. |
|
