Hold on ‘til I get a pen...
06.02.08
Have you ever wondered
where all the pens go? Well, ok maybe you are a super
organised person and you have rows and rows of pens,
blue, black, red and maybe even a surprise green ink one
all lined up perfectly on a desk, but if you’re not,
have you ever wondered where they all go?
At a guess I reckon there could be anywhere between
200-300 pens in my house at any one time, but that
doesn’t mean I can lay my hands on one when I actually
need it.Usually of course it happens when I am on the
phone.
“Okay, so the number you need to call is...” the person
on the other side of the line says and immediately panic
sets in.
“Ah, hold on there ‘til I get a pen,” I say, trying not
to let my voice sound at all flustered. You see
experience has let me know that even though I
confidently have said hold on until I |
 |
get a pen, the reality is I’m
more likely to find the winning numbers for the weekend
lottery.
So I have to stall them. "Ah, isn’t that typical, you
find one and there is no ink,” I say. That may or may
not actually be a lie, but if you do happen to find one
that has no ink you just waste time by making an old
envelope into confetti by scratching so hard with the
inkless pen that it cuts through the paper.
And so the frantic search goes on and the person on the
other side just sits there chuckling to a rambling rant
that you think you are thinking inside your head but are
actually muttering just loud enough to hear.
“This is bloody typical I don’t know how many pens I
have bought and where are they all now? I had one there
yesterday I left it beside the phone, if I find out who
took it away...blah, blah, blah..." and more ramblings
along these lines.
I’m convinced that there is a parallel universe out
there somewhere full of odd socks and missing pens. Not
that such a theory is any use when it comes to actually
needing one, so when that call does come and you need to
write down that important name or number you often end
up using anything you can get your hands on. I’ve
written numbers down using eyeliner pencil (not mine!),
lipstick (not mine either!), colouring pencils (how come |
when you find one of them
at a time like that it’s always just the yellow and
light blue that are really hard to see) and even once
with my finger on the dirt on the back of my car.
To resolve the problem I’ve tried loads of solutions.
I’ve put wee pots full of pens beside the phone and yet
when that call comes they are always empty.
I’ve bought those wee phone scribbling pads with pens
attached and somehow they’ve become unattached by the
time that important call comes in.
So, completely frustrated by all of my efforts I finally
came up with what I thought was a brilliant solution. I
just sellotaped a pen to the actual phone.
Now I can’t find the phone either... |
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A DROP OF
PORTER is
the weekly
column of
Inishowen
Independent
editor,
Liam Porter. |
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