The year ahead
07.01.08
This week I look into my
crystal ball to see what stories might be making the
news in 2008.
January - There’s uproar in Buncrana when the
town council at their annual Budget meeting come up with
a new way to raise revenue and introduce on-street
‘barking charges.’ Councillors deny the strong claims
that the move is brought in without consultation,
claiming that even the dogs in the street knew about it.
This is denied by the dogs in the street however who are
very hot under the collar about the whole proposal.
Their spokesperson Mr. Jack Russell says he’ll be a real
terrier and will not let this go. “They’re not going to
muzzle us, and if they try, things could get rough,
rough, rough...”
February - In Carndonagh meanwhile, the
controversy over access to the new children’s |
 |
playground proposed by the
council through the grounds of St. Patrick’s Church
makes the news again. Finally the council agrees to sit
down with local PP Fr. Seamus Farrelly and discuss an
alternative access point. “There is an alternative
access route that will work just as well if the council
will just accept it, it’s swings and roundabouts really.
However if they try to go down the route they are
planning they will be on a very slippery slide indeed!”
March - The nation is on tenderhooks in March
when a plane carrying the entire Government cabinet off
on a St. Patrick’s Day junket plummets into the sea off
the north of Inishowen. An immediate rescue operation is
planned but the lifeboat has difficulty getting from its
base in Buncrana due to tidal conditions. To make
matters worse the rescue is being co-ordinated from the
new Dundalk coastguard headquarters which is open on a
trial basis for the weekend. They don’t know where
Inishowen is and eventually staff are called back to the
Malin Head Station to co-ordinate the rescue which is
eventually underway as the lifeboat finally gets out.
There are gasps of shock however when a joint statement
later announces that the rescue mission has been a
disaster. “We have managed to rescue all of the
Government ministers and they are all okay,” the
statement says.
April - Moville makes the headlines again in
April when the town is inundated with strippers, both
male and female all doing their stuff in various
locations around the town even in broad daylight. The
situation arises after local hardware stores put
wallpaper on special offer and some of the locals get
spring cleaning fever. However the move is not without
controversy and opponents say instead of bringing in
strippers, the people should be covering up instead.
Protesting outside a house where strippers were hard at
work, Matt Emulsion insisted that instead of getting in
strippers, the people should be thinking instead of
covering up with “Two good thick coats".
May - With the tourism season almost upon us
again, local tourism chiefs planning a major campaign to
bring visitors to the area are horrified when they hear
the Office of Public Works say they are to embark on
more refurbishment at Grianan of Aileach. “We have some
concrete proposals for the old fort,” say the OPW.
June - Buncrana is back in the headlines again in
June when there are unbelievable scenes witnessed at the
beach in Lisfannon over the Bank Holiday weekend. One
witness who had gone to the beach on the Saturday
morning of the bank holiday weekend and stayed for most
of the day, says he had never seen anything like it in
his life. “I have to say I was completely and utterly
shell-shocked at what I witnessed. They were the most
unbelievable scenes I have ever seen,” he said. His
comments came after visitors to the beach, a large
proportion of whom were believed to have been from the
North, actually cleaned up after themselves and took
away all of their rubbish at the end of the day.
July - Having already scrapped plans to close
down the Malin Head coastguard station following their
drama in March, plans to shut down the weather station
in Malin Head are also abandoned in July after workers
there come up with a very cunning plan. Realising that
an unmanned buoy bobbing up and down off the coast might
not give accurate readings in persistent bad weather,
they send in a report to the Department outlining
conditions at Malin Head for the past five years. The
report has on the top the words “Malin Head Weller
Report.” Shocked officials agree it’s the worst spell of
weather they’ve seen in years. The station is saved.
August - Thousands of bird-watchers from all over
Europe flock to Inishowen for the annual Clonmany
festival after reading a preview of the festival’s
events in the Inishowen Independent. They are
disappointed however when it turns out that the ‘large
crow’ expected over the weekend should actually have
read ‘large crowd.’
September - Panic sets in among families across
Inishowen when they realise that children are back at
school and there are now only 115 shopping days left
until Christmas!
October - Angry geese and swans who have been
flocking into the south of Inishowen for years threaten
that they might not come back to the peninsula again
unless there are more amenities laid on for them. “We’ve
been flocking here in our thousands year after year and
we probably would have kept on coming until we
discovered what was happening. I mean why should we just
come here and be expected to lie around in the cold
fields with no entertainment when in December there are
darts, pool and cards put on for turkeys!” We might go
somewhere else unless something is done about this.
November - Sales of air-beds and mattresses soar
in Muff and Quigley’s Point as local houses try to |
accommodate a huge influx
of visitors when Australians flock to the area on the
airline Jet 2 on the recommendation of locals who had
moved Down Under the previous year. It emerged however
that some of the visitors had arrived on a boomerang
ticket and they all travelled back home within a couple
of weeks.
December - There are worries in Buncrana over
whether or not Christmas lights will be erected in the
town. The fears arising in previous years were being
viewed as an indicator. First they were on and then they
were off, and then they were on and then they were off… |
 |
A DROP OF
PORTER is
the weekly
column of
Inishowen
Independent
editor,
Liam Porter. |
|
