Burning questions about
toasters... 12.03.09
I'M starting to get annoyed
with toasters. I know that probably sounds silly and
getting annoyed with pieces of kitchen equipment
probably serves no useful purpose. But I don’t care, I’m
getting annoyed with toasters because, well, they never
seem to work properly.
Okay I’m certain that there are brand new toasters that
come out of the box and toast brilliantly and never give
a day’s trouble and make brilliant toast. In fact I’m
sure the toaster I have at home is a pretty decent
toaster and makes something like good toast.
But we have a toaster in the office as well, and that
one…well it has a mind of its own.
Making toast in that toaster is a bit like doing the
lottery. Every now and then you might hit the jackpot,
but more often that not you get toast that is too light
(is that still just called bread) or you get a burnt
offering of biblical proportions. |
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Both extremes have a level
of annoyance attached to them that I’m sure lots of
people can identify with.
Or maybe it’s just me? Maybe I’m just a stoopid person
who can’t really work a toaster properly, because ever
since we first got our electric toaster many years ago,
I can recall problems like this.
It wasn’t always like that. For a while when I was way
younger than I am now I remember we used to make our
toast on a grill. This was not without its share of
problems as far as I can recall either.
You see whatever about the electric toaster’s decision
(too light or too dark) most of the time it does at
least pop the toast out.
I say most of the time because I have been known to have
toasters that didn’t pop, or to have toasters that did
pop but not just the thickly sliced bread that I was
putting into them.
But under the grill, now that was a whole different ball
game. Under the grill means that somebody has to watch
the toast. They need to keep a constant eye on the bread
under the hot grill to make sure it has reached its
appropriate level of readiness.
When I was younger and we were all getting ready for
school in the morning, we would sometimes be assigned
that task.
Problems however arose when somebody decided that it
would take, say a minute and fifty five seconds for one
side of the bread to toast, just enough time to run up
the stairs and get their shoes.
However once upstairs they could only find one shoe and
engrossed in the search for the lost shoe would run way
over the one minute and 55 seconds. They would usually
be alerted to this by either the waft of burning toast
spiralling up the stairs, or the roar of angry brothers
or sisters who had stumbled on the inferno, battled
bravely to extinguish the flames and then let the shoe
searcher have it both barrels for neglecting their post.
The arrival in the house of the electric toaster might
not have been as big an event as say the arrival of
colour television, but it was going to give everybody
time to search for their shoes, finish their homework or
queue for the bathroom without fear that the toast would
be burned.
Well in theory it would, but the reality came very
quickly and soon we discovered that the toaster often
spat the bread out as, well bread, or as black as the
shoe you’d just spent a minute and 65 seconds searching
for.
It’s amazing really considering all the advances in
technology we’ve made over the years - I mean we can
send men into space for months at a time - that we can’t
seem to make a toaster that makes perfect toast.
What makes it more annoying is that the makers of
toasters actually include manuals with their appliances.
And, I thought as I found one this week, maybe if I read
this I’ll end my stoopidity and learn how to make toast.
Instead the manual just told me things like - never
stick a fork into the toaster when it is plugged in! |
And, I thought as I found
one this week, maybe if I read this I’ll end my
stoopidity and learn how to make toast.
Instead the manual just told me things like - never
stick a fork into the toaster when it is plugged in! And
never operate a toaster submerged in liquids. Really
folks, come on now, surely everybody knows that would
just make the toast all soggy!
In the end I’ve decided that I’m just going to have to
live with the way toasters work. But I guess the fact
that they do annoy me is something that will pop up
every now and again… |
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A DROP OF
PORTER is
the weekly
column of
Inishowen
Independent
editor,
Liam Porter. |
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